Head Butting the Kitchen Counter

I hadn't had a seizure in a month, thank god, because this last one HURT. I haven't written about it yet because I have honestly been too exhausted with the IDGAFs. Even though I wasn't working, I couldn't mentally do anything except make a two minute video of CBD brand reviews. I don't even know if it even made sense because I don't remember. I'll make another. 

This last seizure happened in the kitchen. I remember nothing. I only know that it happened in the there because I saw my pills on the ground. I had a slight memory of getting ready to take my pills that morning, but it was only a glimpse, something that could easily just be a dream. 

But let's back up a little to when I woke up for the second time. A migraine was screaming, my head felt like freezing ice and burned. The best comparison I can make is if you got hit by an icy 2"4 that was on fire. I didn't think too much of it tho, my brain wasn't fully working yet. I opened my eyes enough to reach the door and take my dog outside. I felt weird and kept remembering that glimpse of consciousness of being in the kitchen. Outside was FREEZING and it hurt my eye and head so bad I had to go back in immediately. 

I went into the kitchen to take my pills and found them on the counter and on the floor. 'Ah, I think I had a seizure.' That's probably why my head hurt, I normally get migraines after a seizure. The mirror said otherwise. I had a swollen black eye with a cut right in the corner and a concussion. I just looked at myself in shock. Shock and sadness. I don't know how long I stared into the mirror. I hate it, I felt so depressed. I want it to end. Throughout the day my eye got even worse and I couldn't even touch it. 

Day 2 Looking Gross
Day 4 Still Swollen


         It took THREE weeks for my black eye to fully go away. I thought the CBD would make it heal faster, but unfortunately it did not. I wonder if it's because it was so busy healing my brain that it didn't have any left for my body. Wishful thinking I'm sure. Luckily, since I had an Atopic seizure, my body wasn't that sore (except for where I fell). This seizure really freaked me out. I've had seizures in the shower and I have smashed my face into the ground several times on marble and concrete, but this was different. It was probably the worst fall I've ever had besides my very first Tonic-Clonic when I hit my head on a toilet and then the marble floor. Knowing that I was probably a centimeter away from killing myself is pretty depressing. It made me more hesitant to cook anything or even go down the stairs. The last thing I want would be to disfigure myself on the stove or die from something so stupid

I don't want to go in public, even if it's just for a walk. People look at you, and I don't blame them. When you admit your bruises are because of a seizure it feels so embarrassing. It made me feel stupid, pathetic. It makes me more desperate for a cure. 

Week 2? I'm ready for it to go away.


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