Too Much Stress? 3 Seizures in Two Weeks

After a month of feeling great and having NO seizures, I ended up having 3 in two weeks, including a Grand Mal. I also found out I am having types of seizures I've never had before (to my knowledge) including Atonic seizures. My boyfriend experienced me having a seizure for the first time the other day. It was the Atonic one, the kind where your body goes limp instead of shaking. He said my pupils dilated, I spaced out, and just fell over. Even though I shouldn't be embarrassed about having epilepsy, sometimes I still do. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me regardless, I still can't help but fear that he will judge me because of it. It's ridiculous, but anyone that has seizures will understand how I feel. I don't know what I look like when it happens or what I do. When I have to tell someone that I have epilepsy, I still feel uncomfortable. There's a stigma that comes with it. A preassumption that people have that the only kind of seizure that exist is the one where you are "rolling around on the ground shaking". At least that's the response many people have said to me when I tell them. It's really insensitive some of the ways that people respond when they find out someone has seizures. It's ignorant and rude to ask someone something like that unless you genuinely care about them, otherwise it's downright invasive.  

Now I've been under a lot of stress lately, which could easily be what has been triggering these seizures. Work, money, family, etc. I have still been taking my tincture everyday at the same times and I've been vaping, but I am still seizing. Hopefully it will stop now that I have a second to relax. We all know that stress can be a trigger, but it's hard not to always be stressed out when you have epilepsy. You feel like you can't control your life. It affects you in ways that people won't understand. You no longer have the option of just doing what you want. You have to revolve everything around the chance of having a seizure. 

I am so glad that Prop 2 passed. I can't even tell you. It passed by a sliver, and is still getting compromised by our legislature, but it's a start. Who can prescribe it and who can have it? I already have my state hemp certificate which makes it legal for me to have it anyway, but illegal for my doctors to prescribe it. I haven't been trying any CBD with THC in it though because I was hoping that it would help without it. I don't like being high, one side effect that seizure medicine can also cause. But what are my options? Do I have to be high to not have seizures? Is being high worse than seizures or are seizures worse than being high? I don't know! No one seems to know. After this weekend I feel like I have to start over on my CBD journey. Maybe it has to start again, this time including THC. I know both of my doctors are for medical marijuana because they try to help people like me who are intolerant to seizure medicine. We don't have a lot of options. And we need our doctors to be able to help us find a balance so we don't have to illegally self medicate.

I went to Denver this weekend on a mini vacation with my boyfriend and stopped by a distillery. I'm feeling a little desperate again and depressed. I wish there was more information on THC and epilepsy, but then again that's kind of why I feel like I have to do this in the first place, because no one knows. I'm my own personal guinea pig, but hopefully I can inform others about the outcomes of my little journey along the way.  I think next time we'll take a trip to Oregon. I was surprised at how depressing Denver was and the drive was pretty ugly and really long. My next trip probably won't be for a while, but maybe people will be a little more informative in Oregon, I can only hope.